Funny Adult Stuff Found on the Web

The Masturbation Diet - fact or fiction...

2012-01-17T14:38:00.001-08:00

Is there really a Masturbation Diet? If you do a web search using the search term “ Masturbation Diet” you will find a ton of links with references to a Japanese scientist Dr. Shukan Tokuho who had developed the so called “Masturbation Diet”. Supposedly Dr. Shukan Tokuho had published a paper / study on his Masturbation Diet claiming that 5 minutes of vigorous masturbation can consume 300 calories, which is the equivalent of 20 minutes on a tread mill. He also claims that masturbation can be so refreshing that it can curb your appetite thus cutting even more calories from your diet.

Is it fact or fiction? visit http://www.masturbationdiet.com to find out. You will be amazed!

2007-03-12T08:20:00.000-07:00

St Patrick’s Day phone sex and Adult Irish Fun! – 877-230-4651 – http://www.stpatricksdayphonesex.com/

Top of the day to you , my laddie. My name is Barney O’Bigtool and to help you celebrate this Patty’s Day I have gathered up my finest Irish lasses and put them on the tellies to, shall we say,“Lighten your Load”. And, even better, getting your St. Pattys Day jollies won't cost you a lot of GREEN!! For your pleasure we have Patty O’Pussy, Luckie Clover, Jizzie McSwallows, Colleen O’Cocksucker, Nastee McDomme, Sinead O’Cummer and Hottie McTwatty. To enjoy a conversation with any one of these lasses simply call 877-230-4651 and tell my sexy dispatcher what type of call you would like and she will have the right girl call you right back. Phone sessions are $1.99 per minute with a 10 minute minimum and discreetly billed to your Visa, MasterCard, Discover, and American Express.

Cum visit us at http://www.stpatricksdayphonesex.com/ for some adult St. Patrick’s Day humor and links such as:

Limericks :
Said the girl wearing only a smileIt really has been quite a while;And I see that your cockIs as hard as a rockSo why don't we give it a trial?Then the charming young thing from East Dover(Who was holding a four leaf clover)Said that wishes come trueIf you know what to doAnd she turned away and bent over!Well then, what's a young fellow to do?She was waiting for me, this I knewSo I unsheathed my sword,Prayed my thanks to m'lordAnd I proved that my aim was true.That tight little twat was so sweetAs I felt it engulf my hot meat,She wriggled and buckedAnd got thoroughly fuckedThat sweet little bitch in heat!Then I knew I was going to cumAnd I rubbed at her clit with my thumbAs she cried and she moanedI released my huge loadAnd my brain and my body went numb...

================================
Visit our web site for more Irish fun and it’s free..
And when your cock is hard and need to cum and there is no pussy real girl available we would like you to call one of our girls to help you shoot your cummy load.
877-230-4651

Movies re-written

2006-11-29T07:46:00.000-08:00

We all love our movies; especially the porn flicks! So I decided to round up the top 10 Porn (translate; Guy) Movies on the market today. I think you just might be a little surprised by some of the new titles out there.... Popcorn anyone?

1 . "Every Which Way But Missionary", Starring Clit Eastwoody
2. "Bone Air", Starring Nicolas Cage (and a lot of other completely hot guys)
3. "Super Poopers", Starring Steve Lemmehavesum
4. "Tommy; Mommy's Boy", Starring David Spayed
5. "Final Destination; Deep in the Hole", Starring James Schlong
6. "Star Wars; May It Be Forced On You", Starring Harrysumbitch Ford
7. "Fast & the Furious" (I'm not messing with a good thing), Starring Vin (doesn't need to be nekked to be a porn star)Diesel
8. "Napoleon is Dynamite in the Sack", Starring Jon GimmeHeader
9. "Over in 60 Seconds", Starring Angelina (could make ANYONE cum in 60 Seconds) Blolie

And my personal, all-time favorite:
10. "Armageddon Some Tonight!", Starring Bruce (seriously hot) Willie

Things you can only say on Thanksgiving

2006-11-23T07:40:00.000-08:00

1. Talk about a huge breast!
2. Tying the legs together keeps the inside moist.
3. It's Cool Whip time!
4. If I don't undo my pants, I'll burst!
5. Whew, that's one terrific spread!
6. I'm in the mood for a little dark meat.
7. Are you ready for seconds yet?
8. It's a little dry, do you still want to eat it?
9.Just wait your turn, you'll get some!
10. Don't play with your meat.
11. Just spread the legs open and stuff it in.
12. Do you think you'll be able to handle all these people at once?
13. I didn't expect everyone to come at once!
14. You still have a little bit on your chin.
15. How long will it take after you stick it in?
16. You'll know its ready when it pops up.
17. Wow, I didn't think I could handle all of that!
18. That's the biggest one I've ever seen!

What are you thankful for?

2006-11-19T19:54:00.000-08:00

Phonesex knock knock jokes

2006-11-09T07:20:00.000-08:00

PhoneSex Operator: "Knock knock"Operator's friend: "Who's there?"PSO: "Cami"Friend: "Cami who?"PSO: "Cami hurry up and call me?"

PSO: "Knock knock"Friend: "Who's there?PSO: "Andi"Friend "Andi who?"PSO: "Andi licked my pussy, andi fucked my ass, andi came all over my face!"

PSO: "Knock Knock"Friend: "Who's there?"PSO: "Dawn"Friend: "Dawn who?PSO: "Dawn-t stop now, I'm going to cum any second..."

PSO: "Knock knock"Friend: "Who's there?"PSO: "Devon"Friend: "Devon who?"PSO: "Devonately the best damn phonefuck you're gonna get anywhere!"

PSO: "Knock knock"Friend: "Who's there?"PSO: "Jacki"Friend: "Jacki who?"PSO: "Jacki-n off is so much more fun when you do it with me..."

To see these and other red-hot PhoneSex Operators, go to www.FindPhonesex.com.

The Count audition for a phone sex commercial.

2006-10-30T07:09:00.000-08:00

A clip from a Count Dracula’s audition for a part in a Halloween Phone sex commercial. To view the clip on YouTube click on this link: http://www.youtube.com/v/t9umnnO3ET0 and be sure to turn up your speakers.

IS IT A TREAT (OR A TRICK)?

2006-10-30T05:55:00.000-08:00

It's a treat if...she opens her throat and takes it all in;
It's a trick if...she bites.

It's a treat if...she bends over so you can nail her from behind;
It's a trick if...she bends over and farts.

It's a treat if...she starts with a strip tease;
It's a trick if...she turns out to be a cock tease.

It's a treat if...she likes it doggy style;
It's a trick if...she likes to do doggies.

It's a treat if..she wants to be titty fucked;
It's a trick if...her titties are smaller than yours.

It's a treat if...she shaves her pussy;
It's a trick if...she doesn't shave her legs.

It's a treat if...she's into sixty-nine;
It's a trick if...she IS sixty-nine.

It's a treat if...she screams when she cums;
It's a trick if...she screams because her husband cums home.

It's a treat if...she likes golden showers;
It's a trick if...she makes you take a cold shower.

It's a treat if...she makes all your wildest wet phone fantasies come true...The OLCI phone girls sincerely hope you get only treats for Halloween this year!!

OLCI Phone girls can be found at www.GirlsPhoneNumbers.com

Happy Halloween 2006

2006-10-06T15:26:00.000-07:00

Male Jack-o-lantern

2006-10-06T15:23:00.000-07:00

Survey Says...

2006-09-12T19:55:00.000-07:00

Can't Sleep?

2006-08-30T04:44:00.000-07:00

Car Sex Positions

2006-08-02T09:14:00.000-07:00

This is your complete illustrated guide to having sex in, on and around your car.

Categories are:
On the hood, In the Backseat, In the front seat, While Driving, Half and Half and others.

Example: On the Hood..

On the Hood
If there's anything better than sex in the car, it's sex on the car. If you're in the mood for some open air action, or want to put on a show for the rest of the folks in the parking garage, study these sex positions, lay your honey across the hood and start your engines.

Wraparound

A classic car Kama Sutra pose. The woman sits on the hood, wraps her legs around the man's waist and supports herself with her arms, leaning back. She can control the motion by thrusting with her pelvis, or pulling him towards her with her legs. She may also brace her feet on the car bumper on either side of him for better leverage.

Visit www.Car-sex-positions.com

Get 'Em While They're Fresh!

2006-07-30T17:39:00.000-07:00

Maybe Lorena Bobbitt owns this nursery?

2006-07-30T17:37:00.000-07:00

Victoria's Other Secret

2006-07-30T17:24:00.000-07:00

2006-07-30T17:17:00.000-07:00

Man Of The Year

2006-07-30T17:16:00.000-07:00

Women, Stay Out Of Internet Chat Rooms!

2006-07-30T17:14:00.000-07:00

2006-07-30T16:41:00.000-07:00

Hold, Please

2006-07-30T16:40:00.000-07:00

2006-07-30T16:38:00.000-07:00

Singles Bar

2006-07-30T16:36:00.000-07:00

Why Women Prefer To Take Vacations Alone :)

2006-07-30T16:09:00.000-07:00

That Dirty Mother Nature!!!

2006-07-30T10:41:00.000-07:00

Divine Intervention?

2006-07-30T10:14:00.000-07:00

Wax On, Wax Off....

2006-07-30T10:13:00.000-07:00

Get Your Eyes Checked, Granny!

2006-07-30T10:10:00.000-07:00

Potato Sex

2006-07-30T10:09:00.000-07:00

Why I Won't Go To Nude - Or "Clothing Optional" Beaches

2006-07-30T09:32:00.000-07:00

Extreme Anal phone sex!

2006-06-29T18:55:00.000-07:00

Sex on Sunday

2006-06-18T19:00:00.000-07:00

Upon hearing that her elderly grandfather had just passed away, Katie went straight to her grandparents house to visit her 95- year-oldgrandmother and comfort her. When she asked how her grandfather had died, her grandmother replied, "He had a heart attack while we were making love on Sunday morning. "

Horrified, Katie told her grandmother that 2 people nearly 100 years old having sex would surely be asking for trouble.

"Oh no, my dear," replied granny. "Many years ago, realizing our advanced age, we figured the best time to do it was when the churchbells would start to ring.. It was just the right rhythm. Nice and slow and even.

Nothing too strenuous, simply in on the Ding and out on the Dong."
She paused to wipe away a tear, and continued, "He'd still be alive if the damn ice cream truck hadn't come along."

Why We Don't Take Grandpa To Mardi Gras Anymore

2006-06-16T19:30:00.000-07:00

After A Day At The Golf Course

2006-06-16T19:15:00.000-07:00

When a man comes home after a really difficult day at the golf course, nothing brightens his spirits and makes him feel more appreciated than being met at the door by the smiling face of the woman he loves, with an ice cold beer in her hand.

Charades, Anyone?

2006-06-16T19:11:00.000-07:00

In The Future

2006-06-16T19:07:00.000-07:00

A salesman checked into a futuristic motel.

Realizing he needed a haircut before the next day's meeting, he called down to the desk clerk to ask if there was a barber on the premises.

"I'm afraid not, sir," the clerk told him apologetically, "but down the hall from your room is a vending machine that should serve your purposes."

Skeptical but intrigued, the salesman located the machine, inserted $15.00 and stuck his head into the opening, at which time the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later the salesman pulled out his head and surveyed his reflection, which reflected the best haircut of his life.

Two feet away was another machine with a sign that read, 'Manicures - $20.00. "Why not" thought the salesman. He paid the money, inserted his hands into the slot, and the machine started to buzz and whirl. Fifteen seconds later he pulled out his hands and they were perfectly manicured.

The next machine had a sign that read, "This Machine Provides a Service Men Need When Away From Their Wives" - 50 Cents. The salesman looked both ways, put fifty cents in the machine, unzipped his fly, and with some anticipation, stuck his manhood into the opening. When the machine started buzzing, the guy let out a shriek of agony and almost passed out.

Fifteen seconds later it shut off. With trembling hands,the salesman was able to withdraw his member..... which now had a button sewn on the end.

Where's My Wife???

2006-06-16T19:00:00.000-07:00

Two guys, one old and one young, are pushing their carts around Home Depot when they collide.
The old guy says to the young guy, "Sorry about that. I'm looking for my wife, and I guess I wasn't paying attention to where I was going."
The young guy says, "That's OK. It's a coincidence. I'm looking for my wife, too. I can't find her and I'm getting a little desperate."
The old guy says, "Well, maybe we can help each other. What does your wife look like?
The young guy says, "Well, she is 27 yrs old, tall, with red hair, blue eyes, long legs, big boobs, and she's wearing tight white shorts. What does your wife look like?"
The old guy says, "Doesn't matter – let’s look for yours.

Why Men Exist

2006-06-16T18:59:00.000-07:00

Are You In Love, In Lust, or Married?

2006-06-16T18:33:00.000-07:00

LOVE - When your eyes meet across a crowded room.
LUST - When your tongues meet across a crowded room.
MARRIAGE - When you lose each other in a crowded room.

LOVE - When intercourse is called "making love."
LUST - When intercourse is called "screwing."
MARRIAGE - What the hell are you talking about?

LOVE - When you argue over how many children to have.
LUST - When you argue over who gets the wet spot.
MARRIAGE - When you argue over money.

LOVE - When you share everything you own.
LUST - When you steal everything they own.
MARRIAGE - When the bank owns everything.

LOVE - When you phone each other just to say, "Hi."
LUST - When you phone each other to pick a hotel room.
MARRIAGE - When you phone each other to complain.

LOVE - When you write poems about your partner.
LUST - When all you write is your phone number.
MARRIAGE - When all you write are checks.

LOVE - When you're proud to be seen in public with your partner.
LUST - When you only see each other naked.
MARRIAGE - When you never see each other awake.

LOVE - When nobody else matters.
LUST - When nobody else knows.
MARRIAGE - When everybody else matters and you don't care who knows.

LOVE - When all the songs on the radio describe exactly how you feel.
LUST - When the song on the radio determines how you do it.
MARRIAGE - When you listen to talk radio.

LOVE - When breaking up is something you try not to think about.
LUST - When staying together is something you try not to think about.
MARRIAGE - When just getting through today is your only thought.

LOVE - When it doesn't matter if you don't climax.
LUST - When the relationship is over if you don't climax.
MARRIAGE - What's a climax?

Beer Temperature Tester

2006-06-16T18:11:00.000-07:00

For the true and discriminating aficionado, a glass of the finest beer should only be partaken if it is the correct temperature. The subtle nuance of the melded grains..... the fragile and fleeting taste of the brewers art..... can only be truly appreciated if that golden elixir is properly chilled.
To this end, advanced studies candidates in the Graduate Engineering Department of Texas A&M University have developed an easily used fully portable Beer Temperature Tester which easily indicates whether the beverage is acceptably chilled or not.

To test the beer, simply insert the tester into the glass.

After the tester has been immersed for a period of no less than fifteen seconds, remove both probes and observe the indication.

Can you tell which beer is cold???

Your Ideal Partner

2006-06-02T07:31:00.000-07:00

"Life" After Death???

2006-05-30T04:05:00.000-07:00

Show Us Your Monkey!

2006-05-21T12:17:00.000-07:00

Give that monkey a banana!

Safety First!

2006-05-05T12:26:00.000-07:00

Card Store for Guys

2006-05-04T05:51:00.000-07:00

Good Reading?

2006-05-03T06:15:00.000-07:00

found on www.funnybone.com

The Best Things In Life

2006-05-03T06:13:00.000-07:00

found on www.funnybone.com

Sing, Sing, Sing!!!

2006-05-03T06:04:00.000-07:00

found on www.funnybone.com

(You can click on any of the pictures on this site to enlarge...)

Redneck Field Trip

2006-04-28T06:11:00.000-07:00

This must be what rednecks consider a sex education class!!!

The Cruise - A Woman's Diary

2006-04-23T08:38:00.000-07:00

DAY ONE
Dear Diary,
I am all packed and ready to get on the cruise ship. I've packed all my pretty dresses and make-up. I'm really excited!
______________________________________________________
DAY TWO
Dear Diary,
We spent the entire day at sea. It was beautiful and we saw some whales and dolphins. What a wonderful vacation this has started to be. I met the Captain today and he seems like a very nice man.
______________________________________________________
DAY THREE
Dear Diary,
I spent some time in the pool today. I also did some shuffleboarding and hit some golf balls off the deck. The Captain invited me to join him at his table for dinner. I felt honored and we had a
wonderful time. He is a very attractive and attentive gentleman.
______________________________________________________
DAY FOUR
Dear Diary,
Went to the ship's casino .. did OK ... won about $80. The Captain invited me to have dinner with him in his state room. We had a luxurious meal complete with caviar and champagne. He asked me to stay the night but I declined. I told him there was no way I could be unfaithful to my husband.
______________________________________________________
DAY FIVE
Dear Diary,
Went back to the pool to day and got a little sunburned. I decided to go to the piano bar and spend the rest of the day inside. The Captain saw me and bought me a couple of drinks. He really is a charming gentleman He again asked me to visit him for the night and again I declined. He told me that if I didn't let him have his way with me he would sink the ship. I was appalled.
_______________________________________
DAY SIX
Dear Diary,
I saved 1600 lives today... Twice!

Driving Test For Men

2006-04-23T08:22:00.000-07:00

You are driving along a narrow two lane road with a NO PASSING sign posted, and come upon a bicycle rider. Do you follow this slow-moving bicycle rider for the next 2 miles, or do you break the law and pass? Which is the correct choice?

Why take unnecessary risks? It always best to obey the law!

Sometimes "The Man Upstairs" Gets Pissed Off Too!!!

2006-04-23T08:14:00.000-07:00

Attention Shoppers!

2006-04-23T08:12:00.000-07:00

Will the person that have left this package at the service desk please pick it up???

A Picture Is Worth A Thousand Words

2006-04-23T08:08:00.000-07:00

The Pubic Beetle

2006-04-17T11:35:00.000-07:00

The police of Los Angeles recently found some amusement filling out papers to register a series of car accidents. As it turned out, drivers were losing control and running into other vehicles upon seeing a giant women's pubis displayed on the front part of an oncoming car.

The LA police started frantically looking for the dangerous pubis and came upon the tracks of a young hairdresser named Nelly Node. Nelly's passion for the arts made the young woman photograph her own crotch and put the zoomed picture on her Volkswagen Beetle.

Nelly decided to use such a shameless method to prepare her college course work in which she analyzed the art of design. The witty student's idea worked for the college professors.

She was proudly driving her "pubic beetle" until the police arrested the woman.

The court ruled that Nelly's car was creating a dangerous situation on the roads.

The girl had to paint over her car's hood.

Here's a picture of her VW before she had to repaint it.

Blonds vs. Rednecks

2006-04-17T11:31:00.000-07:00

Bubba and Junior were standing at the base of a flagpole, looking up. A blond lady walked by and asked what they were doing. "We're supposed to find the height of the flagpole," said Bubba, "but we don't have a ladder." The woman took a wrench from her purse, loosened a few bolts, and laid the pole down. Then she took a tape measure from her pocket, took a measurement and announced, "Eighteen feet, six inches," and walked away. Junior shook his head and laughed. "Ain't that just like a dumb blonde? We ask for the height, and she gives us the length." Bubba and Junior are currently doing government work supervising the reconstruction of the New Orleans levees.